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To: kosskesh@bassmotorsports.com
Subject: Fwd: Wednesday Funnies
Date: Thu, 06 Sep 2007 14:09:23 -0400
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-----Original Message-----
From: j samaan <j_samaan@yahoo.com>
To: Casey Burson <cbur@systemspaving.com>; brad curtis <bradcurtisjr@yahoo.com>; maria demirdjian <csufgurl@aol.com>; Rick Dennis <rick@carick.com>; Mary Ellis <mellis70@earthlink.net>; Kate Gleeson <k8ellen@gmail.com>; shelly hood <spanishviking9@aol.com>; Jaclyn Kolkmeyer <07jaclyn@gmail.com>; samaan nancy <ncsamaan@yahoo.com>; rima s <rimasov@cox.net>; sara <seggemey@yahoo.com>; seta <hicalmom@gmail.com>; tamar <nisemata@aol.com>; anne tran <anne_tran924@hotmail.com>
Sent: Wed, 5 Sep 2007 12:34 pm
Subject: Fwd: Wednesday Funnies











Note: forwarded message attached.


 







    
Attached Message

    

        


            
From:

            
Jessica Koble <jnkoble@yahoo.com>

        

        

            
To:

            
Alonso Millan <alonsomillan11@yahoo.com>; Angela <AngiesPoms@gmail.com>; chelsea kidd <belbear2000@yahoo.com>; Greg ClubSoda Horak <greg@lifepro.com>; Jeanette Koble <jnttkoble@yahoo.com>; jen samaan <j_samaan@yahoo.com>; Joey <joeydeleon1@cox.net>; Johnny Kidd <sk829752@yahoo.com>; jolaine dephillps <jde_phillips@yahoo.com>; Kimber Kirshner <kimber.kirshner@blueshieldca.com>; Lindsey <lindseykellar@sbcglobal.net>; Luvia Velasco <luviavelasco11@yahoo.com>; Meghan Rams <meghanrams@yahoo.com>; Ryan Farkas <ry_farkas@yahoo.com>; Ryan <rvierlinck@yahoo.com>; sarah ochoa <tinylunaoct2001@yahoo.com>; Trisha Anne Escamilla <trishaanne2@hotmail.com>

        

        

            
Subject:

            
Wednesday Funnies

        

        

            
Date:

            
Wed, 5 Sep 2007 11:39:33 -0700 (PDT)

        

    









                         No More Drinking*

A depressed-looking regular enters a bar and orders a Coke. The
 bartender
asks why he doesn't want his usual shot of whiskey.

"I quit drinking," the man replies. "Last night I blew chunks."

"What's so horrible about that?" the bartender asks. "Everyone gets
 sick
once in a while after a long night of drinking."

"No, no," the man replies. "You don't understand. Chunks is my dog."





*                         Kiss the Cabbie*

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver
 won't
stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend
 you".

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am
 and
have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear
 just
about everything. I'm sure that there's
 nothing you could say or ask
 that I
would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that. But first,
 you
have to be single and you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and
 Catholic!"

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley, "maybe we will see what
 we can
do."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker
 blush. But
when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me, but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and
 I'm
Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween
party."





*                       Girlfriend's Parents*

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have
 dinner
 with her
parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her
 boyfriend
that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first
time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes
 a
trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the
 boy for
about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about
 condoms
and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like
 to
buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family
 pack
because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and
 all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his
girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents,
 come
on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's
parents are seated. The boy
 quickly offers to say grace and bows his
 head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head
 down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over
 and
whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a
pharmacist."







*                             Burnt Redneck*

Bubba died in a fire, and his body was burned severely. The morgue
 needed
someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer,
 were
sent for.

Daryl went in, and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl said,
 "Yup,
he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over,
 and
Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."

The mortician thought that was rather strange, and brought in Gomer
 next
 to
identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt
 real
bad, roll him over." The mortician rolled him over, and Gomer said,
 "No, it
ain't Bubba."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."

"What? He had two assholes?" asked the mortician.

"Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time we all went
 to
town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"

 
      


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<div> <br>
</div>

<div> <br>
</div>

<div> <br>
</div>
-----Original Message-----<br>
From: j samaan &lt;j_samaan@yahoo.com&gt;<br>
To: Casey Burson &lt;cbur@systemspaving.com&gt;; brad curtis &lt;bradcurtisjr@yahoo.com&gt;; maria demirdjian &lt;csufgurl@aol.com&gt;; Rick Dennis &lt;rick@carick.com&gt;; Mary Ellis &lt;mellis70@earthlink.net&gt;; Kate Gleeson &lt;k8ellen@gmail.com&gt;; shelly hood &lt;spanishviking9@aol.com&gt;; Jaclyn Kolkmeyer &lt;07jaclyn@gmail.com&gt;; samaan nancy &lt;ncsamaan@yahoo.com&gt;; rima s &lt;rimasov@cox.net&gt;; sara &lt;seggemey@yahoo.com&gt;; seta &lt;hicalmom@gmail.com&gt;; tamar &lt;nisemata@aol.com&gt;; anne tran &lt;anne_tran924@hotmail.com&gt;<br>
Sent: Wed, 5 Sep 2007 12:34 pm<br>
Subject: Fwd: Wednesday Funnies<br>
<br>






<div id="AOLMsgPart_3_d3641c4e-bdff-4fc7-9fd8-27a3e7f45d17">

<br>
<br>
Note: forwarded message attached.

</div>
 <!-- end of AOLMsgPart_3_d3641c4e-bdff-4fc7-9fd8-27a3e7f45d17 -->


<div id="AOLMsgPart_4_d3641c4e-bdff-4fc7-9fd8-27a3e7f45d17" style="margin: 10px;">



<div style="border: 1px solid rgb(125, 168, 212); background: rgb(249, 249, 249) none repeat scroll 0%; font-family: arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial;">
    
<div style="padding: 3px; background: rgb(181, 221, 250) none repeat scroll 0%; font-family: arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial;">Attached Message</div>

    <table>
        <tbody><tr valign="top">
            <td style="padding: 1px 10px 1px 9px; background: rgb(249, 249, 249) none repeat scroll 0%; font-family: arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial;" nowrap="nowrap">From:</td>
            <td style="background: rgb(249, 249, 249) none repeat scroll 0%; font-family: arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial;">Jessica Koble &lt;jnkoble@yahoo.com&gt;</td>
        </tr>
        <tr valign="top">
            <td style="padding: 1px 10px 1px 9px; background: rgb(249, 249, 249) none repeat scroll 0%; font-family: arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial;">To:</td>
            <td style="background: rgb(249, 249, 249) none repeat scroll 0%; font-family: arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial;">Alonso Millan &lt;alonsomillan11@yahoo.com&gt;; Angela &lt;AngiesPoms@gmail.com&gt;; chelsea kidd &lt;belbear2000@yahoo.com&gt;; Greg ClubSoda Horak &lt;greg@lifepro.com&gt;; Jeanette Koble &lt;jnttkoble@yahoo.com&gt;; jen samaan &lt;j_samaan@yahoo.com&gt;; Joey &lt;joeydeleon1@cox.net&gt;; Johnny Kidd &lt;sk829752@yahoo.com&gt;; jolaine dephillps &lt;jde_phillips@yahoo.com&gt;; Kimber Kirshner &lt;kimber.kirshner@blueshieldca.com&gt;; Lindsey &lt;lindseykellar@sbcglobal.net&gt;; Luvia Velasco &lt;luviavelasco11@yahoo.com&gt;; Meghan Rams &lt;meghanrams@yahoo.com&gt;; Ryan Farkas &lt;ry_farkas@yahoo.com&gt;; Ryan &lt;rvierlinck@yahoo.com&gt;; sarah ochoa &lt;tinylunaoct2001@yahoo.com&gt;; Trisha Anne Escamilla &lt;trishaanne2@hotmail.com&gt;</td>
        </tr>
        <tr valign="top">
            <td style="padding: 1px 10px 1px 9px; background: rgb(249, 249, 249) none repeat scroll 0%; font-family: arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial;">Subject:</td>
            <td style="background: rgb(249, 249, 249) none repeat scroll 0%; font-family: arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial;">Wednesday Funnies</td>
        </tr>
        <tr valign="top">
            <td style="padding: 1px 10px 1px 9px; background: rgb(249, 249, 249) none repeat scroll 0%; font-family: arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial;">Date:</td>
            <td style="background: rgb(249, 249, 249) none repeat scroll 0%; font-family: arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial;">Wed, 5 Sep 2007 11:39:33 -0700 (PDT)</td>
        </tr>
    </tbody></table>
</div>



<div id="AOLMsgPart_7_d3641c4e-bdff-4fc7-9fd8-27a3e7f45d17">

<pre><tt><tt>                         No More Drinking*<br>
<br>
A depressed-looking regular enters a bar and orders a Coke. The<br>
 bartender<br>
asks why he doesn't want his usual shot of whiskey.<br>
<br>
"I quit drinking," the man replies. "Last night I blew chunks."<br>
<br>
"What's so horrible about that?" the bartender asks. "Everyone gets<br>
 sick<br>
once in a while after a long night of drinking."<br>
<br>
"No, no," the man replies. "You don't understand. Chunks is my dog."<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
*                         Kiss the Cabbie*<br>
<br>
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver<br>
 won't<br>
stop staring at her.<br>
<br>
She asks him why he is staring.<br>
<br>
He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend<br>
 you".<br>
<br>
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am<br>
 and<br>
have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear<br>
 just<br>
about everything. I'm sure that there's<br>
 nothing you could say or ask<br>
 that I<br>
would find offensive."<br>
<br>
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."<br>
<br>
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that. But first,<br>
 you<br>
have to be single and you must be Catholic."<br>
<br>
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and<br>
 Catholic!"<br>
<br>
"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley, "maybe we will see what<br>
 we can<br>
do."<br>
<br>
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker<br>
 blush. But<br>
when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.<br>
<br>
"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"<br>
<br>
"Forgive me, but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and<br>
 I'm<br>
Jewish."<br>
<br>
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween<br>
party."<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
*                       Girlfriend's Parents*<br>
<br>
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have<br>
 dinner<br>
 with her<br>
parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her<br>
 boyfriend<br>
that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first<br>
time.<br>
<br>
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes<br>
 a<br>
trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the<br>
 boy for<br>
about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about<br>
 condoms<br>
and sex.<br>
<br>
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like<br>
 to<br>
buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family<br>
 pack<br>
because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and<br>
 all.<br>
<br>
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his<br>
girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents,<br>
 come<br>
on in!"<br>
<br>
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's<br>
parents are seated. The boy<br>
 quickly offers to say grace and bows his<br>
 head.<br>
<br>
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head<br>
 down.<br>
<br>
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.<br>
<br>
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over<br>
 and<br>
whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."<br>
<br>
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a<br>
pharmacist."<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
*                             Burnt Redneck*<br>
<br>
Bubba died in a fire, and his body was burned severely. The morgue<br>
 needed<br>
someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer,<br>
 were<br>
sent for.<br>
<br>
Daryl went in, and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl said,<br>
 "Yup,<br>
he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over,<br>
 and<br>
Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."<br>
<br>
The mortician thought that was rather strange, and brought in Gomer<br>
 next<br>
 to<br>
identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt<br>
 real<br>
bad, roll him over." The mortician rolled him over, and Gomer said,<br>
 "No, it<br>
ain't Bubba."<br>
<br>
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"<br>
<br>
Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."<br>
<br>
"What? He had two assholes?" asked the mortician.<br>
<br>
"Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time we all went<br>
 to<br>
town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"</tt></tt></pre>
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